It's not easy, but it's not that hard, always. I mean, obviously for me it's hard since i'm an idiot but that's an entirely different story. :)
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http://writinginbed.com/post/60713490057
simple enough?
One thing I know for sure now is that there is no real formula for how to get the guy or girl you want. There isn’t some secret to pick up on anybody. It’s all pretty straightforward most of the time.
Yes or No.
On or Off.
However, I understand the importance of chemistry, but even that alone isn’t enough for two people to stay together or to even make it to their first date.
There are thousands of conversations about what to wear, body language, what to share during first dates, so much stuff you can pilfer through so you can adopt it as your own personality, but all it will do is distract you from reality.
I’ve dated guys who I didn’t even like when I first met them. It either took a long time for them to grow on me or when I gave a first date a shot, I decided right away that I liked them.
I’ve gone out with guys who didn’t really like me at first, but I grew on them. All I have ever known in any of these situations is whether I liked the guy or not and what I was willing to do in order to get to know them more intimately. Was I willing to spend a whole night or just go home after 3am? Was I willing to stay more than one night and order in, watch a lot of TV, or get the hell out of there before shit got weird? Was I willing to meet his friends? His family?
Over the years I’ve read the most ridiculous advice about how to behave, what to wear, how to say things so you don’t sound like a creep. I’ve read about timing. I’ve lived bad timing. I’ve lost great relationships to shitty timing.
The only thing I know for sure right now is that if you like someone, you don’t ignore them for days on end, or even weeks. Even if your life is busy, you MAKE the time to get close to that person. And if you plant a seed early on letting that person know that you’re interested in going out, then you absolutely make it a point to go out, because no one in their right mind sits around waiting for something to happen.
If someone asks you out, makes plans with you, and tells you they miss you and want to see you, if your reaction is to not say “I miss you too,” you gotta let that person go. You can’t just keep them around and sleep with them, suck up their time, and then have no intention to open up and be close to that person. You can’t let their loyalty go to waste on you. You have to brave out your loneliness because you don’t deserve for someone to try that hard for you if you plan to give nothing genuine in return.
Magazines like to talk so much about fun things to do in bed, but those are things that usually occur naturally between two people who have established a sense of freedom between each other. There’s a compatibility that allows them to explore without prejudice or fear. As to whether that happens in a monogamous relationship or not is up to those people, but it can happen without the help of a vapid magazine article.
If you made an effort to date someone and they weren’t interested, you take them off the list for good and open up that space for someone else. If you push away someone who asks you out because you just didn’t feel attracted to that person, think about what you’ve actually been attracting all of this time. Have you only been letting jerks get the best of you? Have you only been interacting with people who use you for a while then dump you for someone else? Maybe there’s a pattern that you can’t visibly identify, and there is some trait that you just cannot catch with your eyes.
I attempted to break the pattern by opening myself up to going out with someone I would normally turn down, but he never pulled the trigger, so I deleted his number. I’m not angry, but I see now that if someone really wants me, he won’t let me sit around for several weeks waiting for something to happen. He’ll make it happen. Me deleting his number is symbolic of making room for someone else’s number.
Any time that I’ve deleted someone’s contact info or if I’ve given away/thrown away things that person gave me, a small percentage of that is driven by resentment, but mostly it is that I want to make room for more meaningful gestures. I always felt that some of the gifts I received from the last person I dated were to just appease me for the times I got angry with him. He said it was so I’d feel guilty for being mad at him. Funny how wrong he was. Gifts are fine, and I can get meaningful ones from people who truly believe I deserve good things, but when I’m dating someone I care about, I don’t just want make-up presents. I want that person to stand by me and let me know I’m gonna be okay. I want him to take notice of when I’m not feeling well and invite me out to dinner or a movie. I want him to do those things because they’re the same things I would do for him. I’d reserve a part of my life to making sure that person felt good about himself, even if it means going out of my way to bring over some dinner, maybe nurse a cold, or anything that demonstrates I give a shit.
In all, I know that dating isn’t a complicated venture, especially if you strip away the bullshit and the desire to over analyze matters. If you like someone and that person happens to like you too, effort should come from both sides. Don’t make someone chase you and don’t be too elusive with someone who is trying really hard to be there for you.
And if you don’t like someone THAT much, don’t fucking use them.
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