Tough Days

   It's funny to remember seeing my friend Rosanna off at the airport - we talked about the journey and her difficult week which included a huge spider bite (which did not result in Spidey powers...) and just seeing so much.
   Her blog (below) is obviously flipped in character for me as a guy (especially #6) but the depth of conversation speaks a lot to where i'm at right now.
   I'm tired. I feel lost - the great part of myself imprisoned while the damaged part takes control for a while.  I'm recovering but I don't want to even be here.  When the list is too long it's hard to do everything.  My aim is to be perfect in all these things but the reality is that i'm not.  Which is why I strive.  It's why I compete.  It's why I fight.
   I will always set the bar at my dreams.  If I don't the days will not get tougher, they will become emptier.

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http://rosannatomiuk.com/2013/06/on-bad-days/

I wrote this song some months ago after a bit of a sad trip to Haiti. I feel like I wrote it today, though, which is why I’m sharing.

I had a blah day today. How are you? How was your day?

I hate feeling like I’m half this unique, wonderful woman and half this emotional, human machine that must be mastered. Do you ever feel the war inside yourself between the person you are and the person you long to be? Some days I don’t want to master the yuckier self. Some days I’m tired.

I wrote my brother this afternoon and said, “I’m a life coach, but I feel depressed!” Ha. Thank God I’ve learned I don’t have to be washed in bleach to help other people. Imperfect people help imperfect people, and the beauty unfolds.

…

In the second verse of this song, I sing, “So I ask what is this all for, and I know I’ve asked so many times…I look around, and I see these faces of confusion, delusion, illusion…Do I care? Do they care? A heart beats but there’s nothing to say…”

So much angst! That’s usually my problem.

The way I get out of my ruts is by ACTION. You? Here’s what almost always works for me:

1) Accept yourself for how you feel. Let grace in. Don’t try to fix yourself.

2) Tell people that love you about how you feel. Don’t try to tough it out too much. Seek encouragement.

3) Get out of the house. Go for a walk, go to the coffee shop. This’ll help free your mind from the prison it’s in.

4) Get the easier stuff done. The mindless stuff, like laundry and errands and tidying up.

5) Exercise. (I went to the pool tonight, but it was closed due to summer scheduling changes, darnit!!!)

6) Check your menstrual calendar, ladies. 50% of the time, it’s the reason I feel I’ve lost my mind!!!

7) If you’re at work, play a game of acting in accordance with how you’d act if you felt awesome! Fake it. It’s fun. It’s even more fun when you’re no longer faking it and didn’t even realize the transformation!!!

I also make a point to tuck myself into bed early on tougher days because my best and most inspired self is the early morning girl! So, good night, my sweet people. Enjoy the music and have a great week.